1 in 88 children has been identified with an autism spectrum disorder (CDC). When a mother’s expecting her first child, how are her expectations & hopes affected when she learns that such statistics will rapidly affect her new life?

I recently spoke with Priscilla Gilman, author of the acclaimed memoir The Anti-Romantic Child: A Story of Unexpected Joy (Harper), a beautiful exploration of our hopes and expectations for our children, our families, and ourselves, & the ways in which experiences may lead us to re-imagine them. Gilman reveals her journey through crisis to joy, illuminating the flourishing of life that occurs when we embrace the unexpected.

I truly appreciate her time speaking with us. Priscilla also has agreed to give one of our readers a FREE signed copy of The Anti-Romantic Child: A Story of Unexpected Joy. Further details will be at the end of this post.

Tell us about becoming a mom. How did it change you?

Oh, in so many ways!! Becoming a mother, especially a mother of 2 children with special needs (autism & dyslexia), has made me a much more patient, accepting, & compassionate person. It’s made me less fearful, judgmental, & less concerned about others’ opinions of me. I’m much less perfectionistic & much more open to experience. Having children has humbled me, surprised me, upset every expectation I had for the way my life was going to turn out, & allowed me to bloom into the person I was meant to be: a writer, a teacher, & an advocate for children, for literature and the arts..& for all people who don’t fit easily into boxes and are a little “different”.

Was there a specific experience that inspired you to write?

My book evolved organically out of talks I gave to parents, daycare providers, & teachers beginning in 2003, about a year after we discovered that our older son, Benj, had a rare disorder called hyperlexia. A few years later, I shared all these talks with my dear friend from Yale graduate school who was now a literary agent, and with her encouragement & guidance, I combined them into one cohesive article, which she submitted to numerous magazines and newspapers in 2007. When everyone passed on the article, my agent friend suggested that the material might be a book instead!

What were some of the challenges you encountered while writing the book?

1 big challenge was that the subject of my book was continually changing, growing, evolving, & that the story was ongoing! The other challenge was telling the truth while being kind, in particular when writing about the disintegration of my first marriage.

What have you learned since writing the book & talking to your readers?

What I thought was a very private & personal story has a universal resonance. There are so many gorgeous souls & good people in this world. That sharing, commiserating, empathizing, & connecting rather than withholding, judging, competing, & distancing are what make our lives meaningful & valuable.

I know you have reached a lot of moms with your story. What are some gratifying responses you’ve received?

Here’s an amazing letter I got about a month ago:

“I have to say that if it weren’t for your book, your beautiful writing attached to all of the personal experience I never would have made it through that 1st year. I have gone back & read the book about 10 times now. It is a book that changed my life forever…it was through reading your book that led me to take Jackson to a Developmental Pediatrician & Psychiatrist. If I would have just listened to our pediatrician & early intervention therapist who knows where he (or I) would be!

I can’t thank you enough for this book…I feel as though it could be our family you are writing about. Jackson has made me a better mother, daughter, wife and friend. I actually do stop and “smell the roses” because of Jackson. He has shown me that beautiful things reveal themselves when you take your time and have to wait patiently for them. I had to wait 3 years for him to address me as “mommy” & it was like the most beautiful symphony I had ever heard. I still love hearing his voice call me mommy.

Thank you Priscilla for your wonderful gift, you & Benj will always be like those beloved characters we never forget from our most favorite books.”

(continue..)

I know that you and I share a love of Fred Rogers. Can you talk about why he means so much to you?

Fred Rogers was not only a calm, caring, wise, steady presence in innumerable children’s lives; he was also a wildly inventive, funny & magical being. There’s a scene in my book that describes the overwhelming sense of grief I experienced when I learned of Mr Rogers’ death. I write: “As children, my sister & I had adored the gentle, compassionate Mr. Rogers & the whimsical imaginative world he created. Watching him again with Benj, I’d newly appreciated how ahead of his time he was in his emphasis on emotional intelligence & his respect for the uniqueness of each individual child.” He exemplified everything I think is most important in approaching, teaching, and working with children.

I also recently did an interview with the Fred Rogers Company about their new DVD to help children with autism & their caregivers. If I had to pick the greatest influence on me as far as being an advocate for children goes, it would unquestionably be Mr. Rogers.

Who else inspires you?

My children inspire me immeasurably, every single day. My new husband (I got remarried in Feb ’12) inspires me with his dedication to teaching music to young children in a diverse, urban public school. Those who’ve taught or been therapists for my children inspire me with their ingenuity, compassion, patience, & commitment to making young children’s lives richer and more fulfilling. Growing up in the 70s & 80s, my greatest heroes and inspirations included John Lennon, Amelia Earhart, Helen Keller, Fred Rogers, and Jim Henson. The late, great Levon Helm, whom I got to know personally during the last years of his life, for his extraordinary musicianship, his grit and grace, his exuberance and humility. I think what ties all of these figures together are joy, generosity of spirit, commitment to helping and uplifting others, open-heartedness, and authenticity.

What one piece of advice would you give every new parent?

I always warn my friends about to have babies that the 1st weeks are incredibly difficult & grueling and advise them not to become disheartened or blame themselves if they are not instantly in love with parenting. Beyond that, my best advice for all parents is to make every effort to see & understand. Embrace & cherish the child they actually have, in all his or her intricate complexity & uniqueness. Find the strengths in your child, because every child has them, & use those strengths to help in areas of challenge. Love your children fiercely & advocate for them tirelessly. Teach them how to love fiercely & advocate for themselves.

What are some of your family’s favorite books, movies, and television shows?

I’ve got two boys, 14 & 10, and now a 10 year old stepdaughter, so finding things that please everyone, including the adults, is a bit of a challenge!
Here are some that have worked especially well!

Books:

• The Wizard of Oz series
• The Paddington Bear series
• The Phantom Tollbooth
• The Westing Game
• Miss Happiness and Miss Flower
• The Dollhouse
• Little Plum

Movies:

• The Black Stallion
• The Muppet Movie
• West Side Story
• Fly Away Home
• Oklahoma
• Meet me in St. Louis
• To Catch a Thief

Television Shows:

• American Ninja Warrior (even my stepdaughter!)
• The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew shows from the 1970′s (with my childhood crush Sean Cassidy)
• Sesame Street
• Electric Company
• Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood
• The Brady Bunch

We would like to give away a FREE signed copy of Priscilla Gilman‘s book, “The Anti-Romantic Child: A Story of Unexpected Joy” to an Angela’s Clues’ Facebook Fan!

To enter this giveaway simply (1) LIKE my Facebook page and (2) SHARE Priscilla Gilman’s post (via Facebook) with a friend! Winner will be chosen at random, on Tuesday, May 14, 2013 at noon.

The Anti-Romantic Child was excerpted in Newsweek and featured on the cover of its international edition, The Anti-Romantic Child is an NPR Books Must-Read list, Slate’s Book of the Week, and selected as one of the Best Books by both WNYC’s Leonard Lopate Show & The Chicago Tribune. It was also awarded the Mom’s Choice Gold Award, honoring the best in family-friendly media & literature.

Priscilla Gilman received her B.A. summa cum laude & with Exceptional Distinction in English and her Ph.D. in English & American literature from Yale University. She was an English professor at both Yale & Vassar before leaving academia in 2006. With the publication of The Anti-Romantic Child in 2011, Gilman became a full-time author, speaker, & innovative teacher. She now writes regularly about autism, special needs children, parenting, education, & literature for The Daily Beast, NY Times, Chicago Tribune, MORE magazine, & Huff Post Parents. She blogs at www.priscillagilman.com & maintains a very active Facebook page. The NY Times published her op-ed, “Don’t Blame Autism for Newtown,” which was the #1 most emailed article on the NY Times site for the following day & has been extensively disseminated via social media. 

Priscilla lives in New York City with her family.

1 in 88 children has been identified with an autism spectrum disorder (CDC). When a mother’s expecting her first child, how are her expectations & hopes affected when she learns that such statistics will rapidly affect her new life?

I recently spoke with Priscilla Gilman, author of the acclaimed memoir The Anti-Romantic Child: A Story of Unexpected Joy (Harper), a beautiful exploration of our hopes and expectations for our children, our families, and ourselves, & the ways in which experiences may lead us to re-imagine them. Gilman reveals her journey through crisis to joy, illuminating the flourishing of life that occurs when we embrace the unexpected. 

I truly appreciate her time speaking with us. Priscilla also has agreed to give one of our readers a FREE signed copy of The Anti-Romantic Child: A Story of Unexpected Joy. Further details will be at the conclusion of this post.

Tell us about becoming a mom. How did it change you?

Oh, in so many ways!! Becoming a mother, especially a mother of 2 children with special needs (autism & dyslexia), has made me a much more patient, accepting, & compassionate person. It’s made me less fearful, judgmental, & less concerned about others’ opinions of me. I’m much less perfectionistic & much more open to experience. Having children has humbled me, surprised me, upset every expectation I had for the way my life was going to turn out, & allowed me to bloom into the person I was meant to be: a writer, a teacher, & an advocate for children, for literature and the arts..& for all people who don’t fit easily into boxes and are a little “different”.

Was there a specific experience that inspired you to write?

My book evolved organically out of talks I gave to parents, daycare providers, & teachers beginning in 2003, about a year after we discovered that our older son, Benj, had a rare disorder called hyperlexia. A few years later, I shared all these talks with my dear friend from Yale graduate school who was now a literary agent, and with her encouragement & guidance, I combined them into one cohesive article, which she submitted to numerous magazines and newspapers in 2007. When everyone passed on the article, my agent friend suggested that the material might be a book instead!

What were some of the challenges you encountered while writing the book?

1 big challenge was that the subject of my book was continually changing, growing, evolving, & that the story was ongoing! The other challenge was telling the truth while being kind, in particular when writing about the disintegration of my first marriage.

What have you learned since writing the book & talking to your readers?

What I thought was a very private & personal story has a universal resonance. There are so many gorgeous souls & good people in this world. That sharing, commiserating, empathizing, & connecting rather than withholding, judging, competing, & distancing are what make our lives meaningful & valuable.

I know you have reached a lot of moms with your story. What are some gratifying responses you’ve received?

Here’s an amazing letter I got about a month ago:

“I have to say that if it weren’t for your book, your beautiful writing attached to all of the personal experience I never would have made it through that 1st year. I have gone back & read the book about 10 times now. It is a book that changed my life forever…it was through reading your book that led me to take Jackson to a Developmental Pediatrician & Psychiatrist. If I would have just listened to our pediatrician & early intervention therapist who knows where he (or I) would be!

I can’t thank you enough for this book…I feel as though it could be our family you are writing about. Jackson has made me a better mother, daughter, wife and friend. I actually do stop and “smell the roses” because of Jackson. He has shown me that beautiful things reveal themselves when you take your time and have to wait patiently for them. I had to wait 3 years for him to address me as “mommy” & it was like the most beautiful symphony I had ever heard. I still love hearing his voice call me mommy.

Thank you Priscilla for your wonderful gift, you & Benj will always be like those beloved characters we never forget from our most favorite books.”

I know that you and I share a love of Fred Rogers. Can you talk about why he means so much to you?

Fred Rogers was not only a calm, caring, wise, steady presence in innumerable children’s lives; he was also a wildly inventive, funny & magical being. There’s a scene in my book that describes the overwhelming sense of grief I experienced when I learned of Mr Rogers’ death. I write: “As children, my sister & I had adored the gentle, compassionate Mr. Rogers & the whimsical imaginative world he created. Watching him again with Benj, I’d newly appreciated how ahead of his time he was in his emphasis on emotional intelligence & his respect for the uniqueness of each individual child.” He exemplified everything I think is most important in approaching, teaching, and working with children.

I also recently did an interview with the Fred Rogers Company about their new DVD to help children with autism & their caregivers. If I had to pick the greatest influence on me as far as being an advocate for children goes, it would unquestionably be Mr. Rogers.

(continue..)

So much media & not enough quality programming? Amazon Studios is lending a hand here.

They have chosen to let YOU decide what shows get green lit for production!

Pilots are now available on Amazon Instant Video for parents to review & comment on, essential to the decision making process.

As I discussed in my earlier post, Amazon Studios Greenlights Kids’ Arts Pilot, two of my pilots ( Creative Galaxy and Sara Solves It) were also chosen by Amazon Studios to be among those viewed programs.

Here’s a little bit about each:

Creative Galaxy

An animated, interactive art, adventure series, designed to inspire kids’ creative thinking through crafts, story, music and dance.

Sara Solves It

Sara Solves It is about create a strong female role model, Sara, who uses math to solve mysteries with her little brother, Sam.  Together, Sara and Sam explore their world on the look out for mysteries..math mysteries!

Please check out the shows at Amazon Studios and if you’d like Creative Galaxy, Sara Solves It or BOTH to be produced for your kids, please comment at the bottom of the Amazon Studios page!

(NOTE:  Both videos are works in progress – colored storyboards of sketches that tell the story with voice overs and minimal music & art)

I would love to continue to do what I  do, to make shows for your kids that educate make them giggle and for them to be a part of the story.

xoxo,

Angela

2013 Parents’ Choice Award goes to Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood. Congratulations to The Fred Rogers Company, PBS Kids, 9 Story Entertainment, Out of the Blue Enterprises & Voodoo Highway Music & Post. Lots of little happy faces are in agreement with the nation’s oldest nonprofit program created to recognize quality children’s media.

Congrats to all who continue the magic in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe!!

Thank you for this wonderful show. I have the honor of being a mom to a brilliant 4 year old with high-functioning Autism. This show is perfect for kids with ASD.

The day after we watched the first show, he wanted to do show & tell. When I told him that he wasn’t supposed to have show & tell until the next day, he immediately said, “I feel disappointed.” He proceeded to sing “When something seems bad, turn it around & find something good” (complete with the choreography of a spin). He then proceeded to tell me that he was excited to see his friends at school that day.

We have seen him be able to quickly translate the lessons from other episodes into real life, as well.  This is the only show he has ever watched that elicits this type of  response.

Thank you!

-ASD Mom

Sincere thanks to you ASD Mom & to learn more about Autism or to help those who are affected by it visit:

Amazon Studios has ordered the math test pilot, Sara Solves It, developed by WGBH and Out of the Blue Enterprises. 

Sara Solves It  follows who else but Sara & her brother Sam to find answers to mathematical mysteries every kid can relate to. This time, we at Out Of The Blue Ent. have joined forces with the creator of Curious George & Arthur to create something special for children.

The need for a strong mathematics foundation has never been more evident and the proper assistance outside of the classroom behooves the learning within.

Sara Solves It has been added to Amazon Studios’ Series Development Slate and will be free to be preview later on this year.

“Mathematics expresses itself everywhere, in almost every facet of life.

Mathematics is the language of science and engineering – describing

our understanding of all that we observe.”   -www.science.edu

Related articles:

HuffPost.com   Hollywonk.com   CNBC.com

PCMag.com   Kidscreen.com

With Instagram now declaring my daughters’ friends’ photos their own, sexting statistics nearing 1/3 of all those that text (for both adults AND KIDS) and unknown app developers churning out less than desirable apps at a staggering rate, do we even need to look further for New Year’s Resolutions.

While we spoke with The Online Mom’s Monica Villa back in the fall, we wanted to wait until the 1st of the New Year to supply you with her applicable info & necessary tips for our kids to be safe(r) as we begin a brand new year.

Several years ago, after picking up her daughter from a playdate, Monica learned that the 1st graders were introduced to the shoot ‘em up game of Halo during the playdate. At that moment she decided to dedicate her full time career to informing parents about the online world to keep kids smart and safe with all the new tech that they crave.

Let’s face it, the tools (or adaptations of them) will always be here. Monica spoke of a clinical PhD psychologist who, when asked about the effects of our tech culture, he responded,” What did you expect would happen when we gave teens these devices?”

The Online Mom spoke with us about parents’ limited window of opportunity for involvement, so we need to seize the teachable moments as they present themselves. One example would be during dinner time conversation where you can better understand their angle and hear definitive examples that are given in regards to online usage and behavior.

As a result of our conversation with Monica, here’s my family’s reinforcement plan as we enter the new year:

1. Refrain from personal images and text on line
2. Implement a safer browsing strategy
3. Suppress YouTube via better controls   (great post from SecureMama on this subject as well)
4. Setup an agreement or contract between you & your child so ground rules are set
5. Use Filters to limit and/or catch problems before they occur 

Most importantly DO NOT assume that you can’t catch up or that the tech train has passed you by, Just do your homework, the info is out there

Thank you Monica & Happy New Year!!!

And don’t forget to join @theonlinemom and friends this Wednesday at 9pm ET as they chat about tech and family life.

Downton Abbey..yeah, you could say I’m hooked. Which is why on Wednesday night I was in my TV glory.

I sat with a lucky bunch of NYC fans, to view a special screening of the popular PBS British-American series, followed up by Q & A with a bevy of the actors from Downton. Who knew how hip Mr. Carson (played by Jim Carter) was in real life or how sincere Thomas Barrow (Rob James-Collier) was? Going into season 3, they’re a somewhat modest bunch that seem to be soaking in the show’s success.

Thank you PBS for including me at such an event and a HUGE thank you to Julian Fellowes for writing every single episode of such a quality program..which is what PBS is all about.

So if you’re a fan, what is it that draws you into Downton Abbey?

What do we want for our children?

I want my daughters to believe that they can do anything that they want to do..within reason.  I want my daughters to learn everything they need to know to go out into the world and make a difference.  I want them to learn, 1st & foremost, what will make them happy. Especially as an Executive Producer in Children’s TV, I am uber aware of the influence that media has on all of us, including my daughters.

“Kids spend nearly 55 hrs a week watching television, texting or playing video games.”  -The Daily Green

What they see & hear truly affects their view of the world.  I give careful thought to even the smallest details in my shows – what the characters eat, how they feel, what they do, which character traits go with which character, and whether or not they should be boys or girls.  It’s important to me that we don’t show our characters eating sugary snacks and cakes for a “special occasion” because, truth be told, it’s always a special occasion on a television show. In addition, one study found that 98% of food ads seen by children on top-rated shows were for junk food  -Health & US News

We know that boys are more reluctant readers, so we intentionally chose our main character, Super Why, to be a boy. We know that there are much fewer girls on television so we made our main character, Blue, a girl.  And we made sure that she didn’t have long eyelashes nor a cute little bow. She is blue. And she is a girl.

But when I look at media as a whole, for my own daughters, I worry. As much as I can talk with them and model for them the type of women I would like them to grow up to be, I find that in media, women are still typecast in traditional roles, while men are portrayed as the more dominant figures. Women are stereotypically represented as dependent and emotional. Women are the mothers, and men are the bread winners. Women are under represented in television about 3:1.

“The fact that a majority of voice-overs on television are male, that there are more male news readers on TV & that many of the major film directors are men indicates that it is the male who has the authority & the control of the world of TV.” -Elena Beasley

This presents a male view of the world. When women are featured, their voices in commercials are often used to sell products such as laundry detergent, diapers & jewelry. And it should also comes as no surprise that advertisers typically use women as sex objects to sell a wide array of products.

We know there are no limits to what our children can do. So why are we feeding our children the idea of limits in the form of media?

And what can we do about it?

A lot.    [Thanks for joining us Bonbon Break friends!]

1. Model behavior in your own lives that needn’t be so defined by gender

2. Talk with your kids about such issues when opportunities present themselves in your day to day
   

3. Limit the amount of questionable media our kids ingest..the same way in which we limit the amount of sugar they eat.
   

4. Keep their dreams and expectations for themselves free and unrestrained

And I’ll do my part by continuing to write strong, smart female characters that create their own destinies!

Long before Mitt Romney announced that he’d take a pass on federally funding PBS, there has been much back and forth on this issue. It’s prompted me to think about what the world would be like without PBS…because let’s face it, if it’s not assisted by the public, the agenda is different and it’s no longer the Public Broadcasting System.

I would not be who I am today without PBS.

Growing up, I honestly couldn’t sit any closer to the television when Mister Rogers Neighborhood was on. He inspired me to get my Masters Degree in Developmental psychology. He inspired me to think bigger and think different about what we could offer kid. I read study after study that talked about how if you “create content with the intent to teach” you could reach millions of people using television. “If a show is grounded in a strong educational curriculum, then kids will learn.” Study after study proved this to be true.

Sesame Street has had over 1,000 research studies proving its impact & effect. We have summative studies done by the University of Pennsylvania that statistically proved that kids who watched Super Why on PBS scored significantly better on standardized reading tests, than those who did not.  In fact, the effects were even BIGGER in lower-income households.

We were making a difference where it was needed the most.

What we found was that in order for young children to learn to read, they need multiple and sustained enriching experiences with language, storytelling, and early reading.

“Preliminary evidence suggests that SUPER WHY! Not only engaged preschoolers (e.g., over 97% reported liking SUPER WHY!) but also provided critical instruction through its language & literacy enriching activities and lessons. Exposure to these activities and lessons enhanced preschoolers’ early literacy skills, resulting in learning the content directly featured in the program. The ultimate goal of learning, however, is to be able to successfully transfer information or skills acquired in one context to another context.”

As parents, we see the effects of media every day.  Whether positive or negative, we see how much the media inspires our kids and ourselves to try something new, to use different vocabulary, or to be motivated to learn to read a book.

While such is true for children, the same also holds true in regards to older content. Offer information that educates and people are more likely to make smarter decisions that will behoove themselves and society.

So, what would the landscape look like without PBS?

[welcome, if you joined us from Bonbon Break!]

At the end of the day, children’s television producers at PBS go through a rigorous amount of vetting to ensure that their program is going to positively effect children. If it is a Ready to Learn property, producers sit in front of a board at the Department of Education, every year, and prove why the content works. We report on:

• How many incidences of education per minute are in our show?
• What is our basis of our education curriculum & strategy?
• We must show proof from research studies that our shows are effectively teaching children through media.

We have strong advisory boards of the best teachers, educators and researches who all weigh in on our shows. In addition to this, the PBS Kids Executives also ensures that everything they air, meets their high standards as well. If we didn’t have PBS, show content would most likely veer more towards the side of entertainment than education.

As a preschooler, I learned through Mister Rogers that “there is only one I in the whole world” and that people like me “Just the way I am”.  I grew up inspired by PBS to bring learning, respect & a voice to kids everywhere.  If TV is a window into the world, then a world without PBS is one that I worry about.