While I wanted to be a judge when I was little, I don’t intend to judge anyone now, especially parents…because everyone’s situation is different. But there’s one thing that always bothered me as a kid and still does and that is child leashes/restraints or whatever the manufacturer is choosing to call them.
On a recent trip to Orlando, I was amazed to see more than a handful of children competent enough to walk safely & independently on two legs but were nonetheless being led about on a leash by their parents. Sorry, but I’m in the camp that believes physical restraint doesn’t teach much…the restrainee is only trained to think “I can’t” rather than “I shouldn’t”. I spoke about this with a friend who (no lie) has a friend whose parents used to harness him when he was a child. To this day he remembers it clearly and still holds somewhat of a grudge with his parents because of their decision to leash him.
Sorry, but in an effort to be “safer”, the tugging of one’s child at the end of a cord because his decisions might not be in sync with yours really does seem like an SNL skit. Yes, some public space is ridiculously crowded and kids are at times off the wall and “often” don’t listen to what is asked of them but really, a leash?! Better alternatives exist. Pardon the comparison but we used to leash my dog all the time when I was growing up and he ran away more than a few times…but our dog now is rarely on a leash, knows not to run in the street and he follows me more than my own shadow. Am I alone here?
Shed some light on this if you will. And if you do use one, use it properly please.
Well, I have to completely disagree with you. When my boys were young, we harnessed them while out and about, and it’s one of the smartest things we ever did. It gave us ALL (including the children) the freedom to experience our times out in a safe manner.
I am surprised that you saw people with kids trailing behind. My memories are more of using the “leash” so my child couldn’t get too far ahead. It kept them from getting lost while I was shopping (I didn’t like keeping them in a stroller because I loved the exercise they were getting walking around, yet we all know, one second of distraction on the parent’s part, and the child disappears. Scary.) With a leash, my child got the exercise, and I didn’t have to worry about their getting lost while I browsed the racks.
I used the harness when wading with more than one young child at the ocean shore. If they were knocked down, I could feel it and haul them up. If I were holding their hand constantly, they couldn’t easily bend down to explore the sand and shells. Thanks to the leash, they were independent and safe and had the freedom to explore with both hands.
The same held true when we hiked the trails of the “Grand Canyon of the East.” My children could walk freely, but I didn’t have to worry about their running ahead, tripping, and running into the canyon.
As with everything else, it’s about balance and how you use it. It shouldn’t be a tool to drag a child where they don’t want to go. Rather, it should be used as a tool to enhance safety and encourage freedom.
I appreciate your candor. We’ve gotten a lot of feedback from both sides in regards to this topic here & on FB. You raise some strong points & you’re spot on that “it’s about balance and how you use it…it should be used as a tool to enhance safety and encourage freedom.”
Perhaps I’ve come across too many adults that carelessly used a harness…it simply rubbed me the wrong way. I also believe that there’s a lot to be learned by a child (or adult) from falling & picking oneself up and also properly learning where limits lie.
Though it’s through exchanges like these that people who inappropriately use harnesses will stop & think about a more effective way AND that those who are able to learn, explore & trust within one continue to as they shed it!
Thanks Chrissie!
I’m with you Ang… Never would have used one. That said, if I ever *was* going to, Disney @ christmas time with a 2-3 year old would definitely have been the place!
I find the pro-harness feedback you’re getting interesting since I rarely see anyone using harnesses, even around NYC. Besides Disney, I’m having a hard time figuring out where they would be “necessary.”
Using a harness for us is about growing independence in our child, rather than removing it. There are many places, like busy shopping centres or public areas or busy streets where the only safe alternative to a harness is keeping the child in a stroller or carrying him or her in your arms. The harness allows the child some additional freedom to either of those two alternatives while recognising that he or she still needs to be protected. Using a harness in public places has given us the freedom to teach our toddler son what his boundaries are. It’s all very well telling a toddler to stay by your side, but the reality is that in less than a second he or she can dash onto the street, or out of your sight in a shop.
I see the harness as a stepping stone to further independence, used as a tool to keep the child safe while teaching him or her appropriate behaviour in busy places (not running away or wandering off, etc.). Personally, I’d much rather see people using harnesses with their two year olds than pushing their four year olds around in strollers.
I hear you, but when our girls were that age we lived on Broadway in NYC. Plenty of safety concerns all around us and after the 1st dash towards the curb, they learned quickly by everyone’s reaction. But you’re right, when they were 2, much of the time they were in my backpack carrier.
I do like that you see it as a “stepping stone” towards independence. I guess it’s just a matter of comfort/risk level. Thanks for your comments Lisa.
I don’t know about these kid leashes, but I sure wish my wife would hold such a tight rein on me! Lol…
Maybe a post for another day…or perhaps a private conversation 🙂